It's been just about that much time since my last post. I've been trying to "find" myself and it's been really hard. Concentrating a little too much on random things rather than facing the subject at hand doesn't help, but then again, what is the subject? I was able to find a passage from Jacques Lusseyran's book and with that, I'll end this post:

Suppose I am sad. Or embarrassed. I have things which upset me. I am anxious. Armies of small pains race inside my head. I see black butterflies everywhere.

What happens then?

Suddenly I see almost nothing.

When I am sad, walking inside my house, I bump my forehead; I hurt my hand on a half-open door. And I no longer even have a sense of where I am.

...I understand quickly that in order to no longer be blind in the way I detest, all that I have to do is simply no longer be sad.